Motherhood – my look back

Today I’ve been reflecting on the last 15 years of motherhood…imperfect motherhood. 

I remember in the beginning, I was an unwed, terrified 19 year old.  I remember praying to God that he would show me the way and give direction to my life as a mom. 

Lesson:  Guess what…he did.  God came through, he’s cool like that.  He waiting patiently  for me, guiding me gently.   

I remember wanting to prove to everyone that I was a good mom, a capable mom… and frankly, that helped me make better decisions.  I didn’t want to fail my babies, myself, God, my husband. 

Lesson:  Whatever your reason, just do the right thing…then do the next right thing, and repeat.   Point your moral compass North, and walk that direction. 

I remember it was so hard to find a balance, find a place for Jeremy.  In the dawn of our life together,  we had 3 babies so close together and priorities got skewed and clouded.   The distance between him and I seemed so far apart, even sleeping next to him in the same bed.   Resentment and anger from unmet expectations filled the gap.  This wasn’t easy…marriage wasn’t easy…

Lesson:  Your husband chose YOU, out of 7 billion humans on this earth…he chose you to spend his life with, and care for him and his needs.  What an honor!  Take that job seriously, love him intentionally and  love him hard.  Tolerate his socks on the floor and his untouched honey-do list.  Make time for him.  Make time even when you would rather be curled up under the covers binge-watching Netflix.  🙂   

I remember calling on my friends…A LOT.  I vented.  I complained.  I cried.  I laughed.  I asked for so much advice. 

LESSON: Choose your tribe carefully.  Choose friends that truly see the big picture and want what’s best for you AND your marriage and family.  I am so fortunate to have the best friends and sisters-in-love that I do.  They encourage and bless me continually. 

My life today seems so far from what it was then.  There is so much growing up to do in your 20’s, and even faster if you’re a mother.  The kids don’t wait…they don’t wait until you have you life “together”, until your marriage is better, until you’re done “sowing your wild oats”.  They are there, every moment, seeking your love, your attention, your time, your best.

What a blessing it is to get to the other side of the hard.  I’m so thankful God saw us through the beginning and carried me when the weight was too heavy to bare.  Our life is not without trials,  however, it gets a whole lot easier when I give it up to God, and let him steer the ship instead of trying to make my own way while fighting the current.  He hasn’t failed me yet. ❤